This session was captured by Kasey of Well of Health. Kasey is a new mom, wife, personal trainer, group fitness instructor, wellness blogger, and loves to share her passion for health from the inside out.
This session addresses the hard truths that we must face as fitness bloggers in a loving tribe of understanding and support. Fitblogger Tough Love seeks to examine the different ways we can maintain the supportive, judgment-free atmosphere, but build in more real, plain, honest accountability. It will focus less on the warm fuzzies, and more on the cold pricklies. The goal is to support one another with real love and accountability, and to talk out ways of doing that in a practical sense.
- Steve Gray, when he blogs, can be found at SteveIsGettingFit.com, on Facebook, or on Twitter
- Sue O’Lear, when she blogs, can be found at MrsFatass.com, Facebook, Instagram, and MyFitnessPal
Steve: We need to point out what we ourselves need to work on, and go from there. Thank you to everyone for attending!
Audience member: Great session! *audience claps*
Sue: Let’s go to Zumba!
Sue: In closing, thank you to everyone for being our support. Last year was a tough Fitbloggin for me.
Sue: Share the links! I’ll do it by the end of next week. Come to mrsfatass.com and share in the comments.
Sue: By a show of hands, #justtrollin and #tribelove? *audience claps* Yes.
Sue: Okay how about #baconpanckaes, #toughlove, #tribelove?
Audience member: I’m a fan of sarcasm, so how about #justtrollin?
Sue: Oh no, someone’s crying! This is a real Fitbloggin session right here.
Audience member: Coming to Fitbloggin is calling myself out. I’m thinking I don’t deserve to be here, I’m in the same place I was 5 years ago.
Sue: I think it would be fun for a hashtag or code word to help call us out and help each other from here.
Sue: I can blow off the difficult things to the point that I can blow off the ones I don’t want to hear.
Audience member: Just keep doing the hard work.
Sue: Instead of wanting to help and asking, “what can I do to follow-up?” That’s a lot of pressure. Just tell them that you’re going to email them once a week asking what’s up.
Audience member: I think the self callout is one of the best things we can do. It’s called a compliment sandwich. It’s a great way of first establishing positivity, in the middle is something we need to hear, then you wrap it up.
Sue: What a fun exercise. Maybe we all need to go back to our starting point. Maybe you have hit your goal, or maybe you’re us.
Audience member: I called myself out on my own blog. I called it a strongly worded letter to my hormones and metabolic processes. Not the fact that I hate my body but I love my body and want it to be better. xoxo, the management.
Audience member: I think parenting has helped. I mean, yes, we are all special snowflakes and worthy of love. But we all need people to guide us. If we could do this by ourselves, we would. And we need people that can help.
Audience member: We need to get tough skin. If we are always coming to the rescue and it’s always a warm and fuzzy place in the fat acceptance community, it takes away the power of things that are actually fat shaming. *nods from audience*
Audience member: When someone calls someone out, the post goes viral. Then everyone comes to the rescue. But maybe sometimes we need to take a step back and take a day or two to think about it.
Sue: Can we get some tough skin? Michelle Obama was not trying to shame the gypsies when she said the word “gypped.” *laughs* Should we just get offended by every little thing? And it’s not easy to feel uncomfortable. It’s not easy. But if it were, we wouldn’t be here.
Audience member: When I ask my husband, “does this look okay?” There’s only one answer to that. That’s fishing. He will ask me, “are you fishing?” Yes. I want you to make me feel loved, to feel affirmed.
Audience member: Where is the line between the call-out and the criticism? A call-out is not a criticism of you. They are trying to help you. Make sure you are calling them on it and not criticizing them.
Steve: You shouldn’t be blogging then either. In a way, we want feedback. Otherwise, we wouldn’t be doing it.
Audience member: If you don’t want feedback, you shouldn’t have opened your mouth.
Audience member: I had someone tell me, “hey, why don’t you just drink a whole bunch of water everyday?” And that’s them. It’s silly for me to expect them to have followed every post of my journey and know what’s going on. And most of them are coming from a place of wanting to help.
Sue: You’re jumping to the end! #callout. Some people don’t know that I blog about health and fitness. I have been blogging about things and opening a business. People might see your weekend and think that is your life.
Audience member: Master the call-out.
Audience member: Someone just told me, just forget your goals. Just eat healthy and live healthy. So I did. It lasted 9 days, and I spiraled. I have these goals not because I hate my body, but because I love it. I love my body, so I want to make it better.
Audience member: I highly recommend owning a teenage boy. He asked me, “what happened to that frozen yogurt?” and I responded “Uh, I ate it…” and he said, “well that’s not really what a diet is for, is it?”
Audience member: Is he for rent?
Audience member: My fiancée called me out. And I gave him a thank-you letter. Support the people who call you out. Make sure they know they are valued. Otherwise, they are going to stop.
Audience member: I’m willing to call someone out, but I always do it privately. Say, “I saw your Facebook post, wanted to make sure you’re okay, and to see how you’re doing.”
Audience member: If you’re going to be that person who calls you out, be the person to follow up too.
Audience member: I think a big part of it is that I don’t feel qualified to give advice. I don’t know your situation. You have to judge that for yourself.
Audience Member: I have a story. I posted bacon pancakes, and someone commented, “you shouldn’t be eating that if you’re trying to lose weight.” And everyone else jumped on her. But her point is real. Sometimes you need that frenemy when you think, “boy I don’t like you, but you’re right.”
Steve introduces his story. He says he is actually heavier now than when he started blogging. He started blogging because he wanted the accountability, and then he became friends with other bloggers. And then it became more about seeing everyone rather than health and wellness.
Sue set out to lose 50 lbs 5 years ago, but what she realized later is what she needed to do was treat her anxiety disorder which lead to depression. She didn’t know that it was about her mind and my heart more than her body.
Sue introduces the session and tells someone to drop and give her 20 since she is late *laughs*. This is Fitbloggin Tough Love after all. It is her and Steve’s 5th Fitbloggin. They are still trying to take off the weight from when they first started their blogs 5 years ago. She says we can succeed and fail with each other, and the support can be awesome. You have to be careful with that support since you can be called a “fat shamer,” but there also needs to be strong accountability for each other.
Everyone is filing in, chatting, and comparing workout pants.